Nope, still not funny. ...
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Scum of the earth, we all know them. The dude that tells you "had trailer here first" as he butts in your way of loading up your boat. The one that whips his double jet skis down in the middle of the goddamn ramp taking up space for two boats. He slowly unloads, takes a phone call before finishing, then looks at you like you're the asshole when you call him out. These types are nothing but a drag on society as a whole. In a near unanimous decision, both ends of congress have signed into law a first of its kind. Never before has a legal means to lynch anyone existed within the United States. But if there's anyone that deserves it, it's these assholes. ...
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The community of Oyster Toadfishes has come together to make it known they are disturbed and disappointed. Anglers across the nation have taken to nicknaming the species "Mother In Law Fish." They are extremely unhappy and want to make sure you know. ...
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LONGBOAT KEY, FL: Our street crew caught up with local Vince Gibbler as he was wade fishing in New Pass. Vince heard the trout bite was "fire" from a friend so raced out after work with his gear. After 45 minutes of slinging a white paddle tail into the grass flats, experiencing the vast wonder of nature's most breath taking display, Vince's patience grew thin. "These goddamn trout decide to shut down when I get out here, of course." he let loose as the sky reamed with color gradients ranging from bright, neon orange to violet and umber hues. A sight many travel the world to see, often for just a week on their annual vacation budgets. "I swear to fucking god, I waste 30 minutes driving out here when I could be sitting in my living room... watching tv... DRY!" A short while late...
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That's right, you know it too. He's sexier, his gear is way cooler and costs 10x as much as your garbage spin cast. Oh, you paid $750 for a Van Staal? That's what he spent on fly line this month. Just look at the way his arms swing poetically through the air lassoing the energy of God with his perfect double hauls. When's the last time you fought a 25" snook for 10 minutes? Your ultra light tackle is like a grenade while his fly rod is like a razor sharp katana, requiring the ultimate level of skill and patience, tact and maneuverability. Don't even get him started on live bait. Only the most talentless hacks pretending to be some sort of angler would sink to that level. Fly fishing is an art and he is DaVinci. Lowly bait tossers don't deserve to smell this man's farts. ...
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MOBILE, ALABAMA: The day started off like any other for local machinist Danny Smiggens. Quick breakfast then he headed into work at 7AM and spent his morning reviewing drawings, instructions, and blueprints to ensure accurate production. But come lunch time he was unprepared for the Facebook notifications he was about to check. The day before he had accepted a friend request from one Mike Cook: A man who recently moved to the area to care for his elderly mother and live rent free while being out of work. The two had been involved in a couple of conversations on a local fishing group's wall. Feeling like they had a similar outlook on certain subjects like fishing regulations and how to prepare red fish, Danny didn't hesitate to accept the request. Little did he know Mike had been...
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SARASOTA, FLORIDA: The county continues to tighten its grip on the various charter businesses in Sarasota ranging from inshore/offshore fishing to sunset cruises and dolphin site-seeing. Last month a Sarasota County Commission meeting was packed full of local captains ready to make their voices heard over policies preventing them from picking up clients at various local parks. One such popular spot being Nora Patterson Bay Island Park on the western side of the North Siesta Key bridge. Seeing the uproar, the county's policy makers, who are most definitely not corrupt in any way, were quick to punish such uppity attitudes. For the safety of our community and to teach these rascally young men a lesson, a new law was voted in requiring captains to come to their customers' residences to...
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NAPLES, FLORIDA: Somewhere east of Highway 41 is a fishing hole claimed to be known only by a local fisherman, Harold Lee Mittens. The spot has been kept secret for nearly a decade until this week when Harold agreed to show the Hook Times news team where it was. It was a brisk 65 degrees on this winter night as our headlights trailed Harold's 1986 Ford Ranger down a small street just a few miles from Baker Park. We reached a dead end that had a cleared out dirt lot. We proceeded to hop the curb and park. Harold waited for us as we unloaded from the news van and yelled "y'all better not tell no one where this is." We were committed to keeping the specific location secret. Though after visiting it there's not a chance in hell we'd tell anyone we cared about anyway. The spot requir...
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STUART, FLORIDA: Local angler Mack Jiminez had been working the creeks for nearly two hours when he heard the "definitely a snook" slap the top of the water. Between constant splashing and swirling caused by hundreds of mullet, Mack was able to pick up on a splashing sound he knew for certain was not a mullet this time. "Y'all hear that!" he had exclaimed to his fishing buddies. "Definitely not a mullet, I know, I can tell for 100% sure." Though his companions showed less enthusiasm than Mack, they did nod their head and agree that it must've been something else. *Hook Times has been unable to confirm the sound was indeed caused by some other species in the water, or possibly a rock being thrown by a child, or even a pelican taking a shit. ...
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